Week 3 - Eat Drink Man Woman

Eat Drink Man Woman

A beautifully crafted family film for Week 3, right before Chinese New Year!

Themes 

1. Nietzsche's Philosophy

There are many themes for this film, so let’s start from a philosophical standpoint by one of the early founders of Existential psychology, Friedrich Nietzsche, who hated alcohol and Christianity for the same interesting reason, as he argues that they both numb pain and reassures us that everything is fine as it is, making us unwilling to change and improve our lives.

  

Alcohol

The old man was drinking with his old friend complaining about not understanding his three daughters, but did nothing asides from drinking his problems away, numbing the pain. He goes back to his old pattern of communicating with his children after he sobers up, and used alcohol in an unhealthy way.

Christianity

At first, I felt like I understood Nietzsche for the alcohol bit, but not so much on religion as a narcotic. Now I feel like I understand where he comes from through the character of the eldest sister. 

She lied about her love life, of having her heart broken by a man, when it never actually happened. All this while, she hid behind that false story and remained single.

She is also portrayed to be completely religious, listening to worship songs throughout her bus rides. Maybe she was using religion as a narcotic, to numb out the pain of being single and the pressures of being the eldest who is still single, while not doing anything to change the situation. 

Nietzsche was only exposed to Christianity, but in general I think it applies to all religions as well, and I agree with Nietzsche’s view of using alcohol and religion as a narcotic, that we should learn ways to cope with the pain that we face and grow ourselves so that we overcome the situation instead of pretending everything is fine. 

I personally think that alcohol and religion can be used in healthy ways, especially religion as it teaches us to do good deeds. Maybe using both alcohol and religion in moderation is the key.

2. Family

At the start of the movie, we see Mr. Chu, a master chef at Chinese cuisine, preparing dinner for first five minutes of the film. What an elaborate routine it was, preparing so much just for his three daughters and himself. 

The dinner reminded me of my own cozy little Chinese family, where the entire family comes home once a week to feast together, and Mr. Chu Reminded me of my late grandmother, who is a master chef to me, she would cook so much food and such elaborate dishes that no one could finish everything in one night. 

We usually have leftovers and have them for lunch the next day.

Love in the Chinese Family Culture

In the Chinese culture, love is rarely ever openly expressed, but it is always there, in many subtle ways. 

We see this in Mr. Chu as he prepares a huge feast every time there is a weekly family reunion dinner. He confessed that he doesn't know how to communicate to his daughters when he was drunk, and here we see him using his cooking as a medium he uses to show love for his daughters. Even though he slowly starts to lose his sense of taste, he continues to cook for them. 

When he loves, he loves with all he has and doesn't hold back. It's true that to some, it may seem like a huge waste of food, that as a chef, he doesn't appreciate what he created. But on the other hand, he may really just see it as a labor of love, that he loves his daughters so much that he is willing to cook up enough food for a table of ten. 

Asides from cooking, he wakes them up, lets them stay at his home, worries a lot about them, does their laundry, boast about them to his friends because of how proud he is to have them, and even gives them his blessings when two of them suddenly get married. 

In my home, my mother would keep every cent she can just so there is more for her children, she makes sure everything in the house is neat and tidy, she cooks for us, she does the laundry, giving love in the most subtle ways. So subtle that I sometimes become desensitized to it or don't notice it. 

In our family culture, children rarely say "I love you." to their parents, and even parents themselves don't say it to each other much ! I would say I have more exposure towards the Western culture than they do, and I love how they expressed their love, so I was the one who first disregarded that culture, and expressed it openly to them.

IT WAS SUPER AWKWARD AT FIRST.

They didn't know how to react, but slowly and surely, it became a normal thing for us to express our love more openly than before. 

Even though I was raised up in a similar environment and culture as the movie, to me, it is very important to show my love and gratitude towards those around me, because I get to multiply all the positive emotions with the people around me !

If I keep in my love and gratitude, and it isn't felt by the other person, is there truly love and gratitude in the first place?

3. Intimate Relationships

Attachment Style on Intimate Relationships

It seems to me that love from Jia-Chien's father was expressed to her in an inconsistent manner when she was young, even till her current age. In one scene, her father tried waking her up lovingly, only to return in his usual pattern of not showing much love. 

A loving wake up call.

Followed by a not so loving one.

With no mistake, Mr. Chu loves all three of his daughters very much, but with the explanation from the attachment theory, an anxious-preoccupied attachment style would have developed as Jia-Chien was struggling to deal with the confusion and insecurity caused by the inconsistencies how Mr. Chu's treats her, causing her to be clingy to get intimacy and love, and this pattern would replicate itself in her intimate relationships as well. 

Her friends with benefits relationship with Raymond would be a good example of that. 

The juxtaposition here is that Jia-Chien is shown as a strong independent lady who also has an anxious attachment style.

I would describe their relationship as a clingy one, not in the "I need you" way, but that she "clings" on to him and the intimacy he gives her after the relationship ended. She visited him, cooked for him, had sex with him, they went out together, visited the apartment that she bought together, and she even looked for him and asked him for advice only to find him having the company of another woman at his place.

A few days later, they meet up in a restaurant and he told her he was getting married to this amazing woman, who paints and takes care of his art gallery with him. 

What happened next?

He asked Jia-Chien if she wants to continue their "friendship" right after informing her about his marriage. 

I think that was a huge wake up call for her to reevaluate her relationship pattern with Raymond. It's important to have awareness, because after awareness comes the decision and ability to change one's life. If one does not know about it, how is one to change anything? 

At the end of the movie, where everyone was busy with their own lives, Jia-Chien and Mr. Chu were the only two who appeared for the reunion dinner, and Jia-Chien was the one cooking in the old abandoned house as Mr. Chu looks around nostalgically. He tries the soup that she made, and he could taste again! 

A reunion miracle! 

Reflection 

Values

There was so much more going on in the movie, but I chose to explore more on the themes of alcohol and religion, family, and intimate relationships, and it reminded me of what my values are. 

Growth
I value growth because I believe that I am constantly growing and learning to be a better person, to self-transcend. There are times that I have turned away from growth because it was uncomfortable or painful, but I'm more aware of that now, and can be more in control of how I act. 

Family

I value family, whether or not I have blood ties with them. There are many people whom I value as family and I would do anything for them, even if it is not convenient. At the end of the day, I want to be able to fully show love in all that I do, and give my all.

Love

I value love because we're all social creatures, and I feel that relationships and love are all we are made of at the end of the day. Extraordinary and unlimited love for everyone and everything would be the ultimate mastery point for me for love.

At the end of the day, to me, to live a life worth living would be to live by the values I have chosen for myself. 

Week 2 - Awakenings

Awakenings

Plot 

This film touches the lives of Dr. Sayer and people with normal lives whom have had their lives and freedom taken away from them by catatonia, and are given a second chance at life only to be taken away again in a short while. For me, this film touches many themes as it follows the growth and transformation of Dr. Sayer.

Dr. Malcom Sayer

Dr. Sayer is portrayed to be clumsy, nervous, forgetful, shy, lacking in confidence, all over the place, all in all, an introverted man who is hungry for knowledge.

When interviewed for the position of a doctor at a chronic hospital, he showed up, apologized and packed as he mentions that he is a researcher and not a doctor “doctor” in the interview. It was clear that he would not have gotten the job if one of the interviewers did not insist.

Limiting Belief

One of his beliefs is that he is not good with people. He thinks and feels that people are not predictable and that it’s hard to communicate with them. That’s why he may have consciously or unconsciously avoided social interactions.

Learned Helplessness

Dr. Sayer may have a case of learned helplessness towards making a human connection with people around him outside of work.

He eats alone every day in his little comfort zone, and has no change in his approach to socializing. How is he expected to make a meaningful connection if he eats alone and does everything alone?

Maybe his past experiences with people may have contributed and conditioned him that trying to connect with someone is too hard for him and that’s when he stopped trying.

When offered an invitation for coffee by a beautiful and caring nurse, he denied it and didn’t take the chance. A woman was interested in him and he could not even see it because of his belief, creating a phenomena similar to a scotoma.

Hunger for Knowledge

Many patients were classified as having an “Atypical Dementia”, where one has no will of one’s own, and that’s all. Dr. Sayer tried to take it a step further, to understand them, asking “What is it like to be them?”

For a man with limiting beliefs of his own capacity to connect with others, he certainly shows strong empathy as well. He took the extra mile and asked Leonard’s mother of his condition and her experience with this type of dementia.

He also spent many nights looking through files of these patients, and nothing seemed to connect. That is, until he rested and had an insight to the cause of the disease. Perhaps incubation played a role on this sudden revelation of his.

Ethical Concerns

He got news of a new drug called L-dopa which is used to help patients with Parkinson’s after connecting the dots, he hypothesizes that it may help his catatonic patients. He wants to cure his patients, but he doesn’t know if it would work. 

His supervisor mentioned to “Let the Chemists do the damage”, 

but he still insisted on giving it a try.

Even though he has many hours of research put into this hypothesis, I still find myself asking many questions.

" What happens if it doesn’t work? "

" What happens if it does? "

" What happens if it worsens the patient’s condition? "

" What happens if it heals them completely? "

" What happens if it were to heal them but only for a while? "

The Four Lettered Word - Hope

After Dr. Sayer explained to Leonard’s mother about what L-Dopa has to possibly offer Leonard, that it is a new drug, and it has not been tested on cathartic patients before, Leonard’s mother decided to bet on the drug, on Dr. Sayer, and on hope itself. Hope that this drug is able to bring her child back to her.

Ethical Concerns - Part II.

Dr. Sayer increased the dosage of L-Dopa on Leonard after his mother left the hospital. At this point of time, it was a gamble with a person’s life. But it worked! If he didn’t, Leonard may not be given a second chance at life like he was.

Again, the question “What if it didn’t work?” popped up.

Leonard Lowe

Leonard is a well mannered chap with a big heart, and in this movie, an inspiring teacher as well.

Perspective

After the "Awakening", we join Leonard as he explores the new world around him, driving down town, having ice cream, visiting the bench he carved his name on when he was younger, taking a walk, then a swim by the river, Leonard sure knows how to live life.

Leonard visited he same bench he carved his name in when he was a child. 

Instead of seeing it as he lost literally years of his life, he managed to reframe the situation and sees it as a second chance at life and is fully committed to living in the moment.  

Presence

We all know that we should appreciate life, but we sometimes take it for granted. I occasionally find myself on automatic pilot, not living purposefully, wishing that time goes by faster on some days.
I experienced the funeral phenomenon at the end of the movie, when Leonard and the rest of the patients went back into a catatonic state, it hit me that the gift of life is so precious because at the end of the day, I don't know if I will even be able to wake up tomorrow. 

I was reminded of my own mortality and that made me want to really live life. There are people who would give up so much just to be in my position, so I asked myself : 

" What am I doing with my life? "

" Is there something I've been wanting to do, but lack courage? "

" Am I giving it my all right now? "

I didn’t think much of it until I questioned myself further and it was a good wake up call for week 2 of the semester. I don't know how much time I have left, so I am committed to the following :

"I am a creator and the source of fun and loving moments,

for both myself and the ones around me."

Week 1 - Cinema Paradiso

Cinema Paradiso

Plot 

The movie tells the tale of Salvatore Di Vita, shining light on his early experiences in the younger years of his life as his mother phones him to inform him of the death of his dearest friend and mentor, Alfredo.

Reflection

Intense Interests

Salvatore Di Vita (Toto) displayed a total fascination towards films in the early years of his life. When he was six, he would often visit Alfredo in the projection booth and sneak some censored film scenes, mainly involving love and violence, home with him. The young lad had so much passion for film that he had an entire tin box filled with movie scenes.

Alfredo & young Salvatore Di Vita (Toto) in the projection booth.

Here we can see that Toto, just like many other young children, had a tendency to develop an obsession towards objects that they find fascinating, and an enduring and deep obsession is known as intense interests (Alexander, Johnson, Leibham, & Kelley, 2008). 

He would also constantly rehearse films scenes at home and think about films at the movie house, at home, as he walks pass a poster. He is always portrayed to be interested in film.

 Toto obsessed with films pieces he took from the projection booth.

Father Figure

Toto's relationship with Alfredo started off rocky. Alfredo felt annoyed by Toto's persistence, and forces Toto to leave him alone. 

It was later revealed that Toto's father who went to fight in the second world war has not returned for some time after the war. I feel that Toto's intense interest in film could be a secondary fixation, as he did not have a father figure growing up, and Alfredo was the next best person to be seen as a father figure. 

Some children who grow up without a father figure develop some behavior problems, such as creating an aggressive or impulsive identity to mask underlying negative emotions such as unhappiness and anxiety (Pougnet, Serbin, & Schwartzman, 2011). Toto is portrayed like this as well, as he talks back to adults, steals censored film pieces, and finds loopholes in promises that he makes to get what he wants. 

I think it was great that Toto sees Alfredo as a father figure, as he is able to put his underlying negative emotions at ease. It can be seen that Alfredo also really cares for Toto as he gives him a ride downhill, protected him from his mother, and teaches him how to operate the movie projector. 

Toto riding downhill with Alfredo on a bicycle.

Observational learning 

Toto showed observational learning when he was at the projection booth when Alfredo doesn't agree to teach him how to operate the movie projector. He had never been taught how to operate the projector but he managed to make it work on his first try, and Alfredo was so surprised that he had a hard time believing that Toto operated the movie projector.

Toto was seen to undergo the 4 stages of observational learning, attention, retention, imitation, and motivation (Bandura & Jeffrey, 1973). 

Bandura's Social Learning Model.

He has always paid close attention to Alfredo when he operated the projector, he then must have memorized and retained the steps to operating the projector, and as he knows how to operate it and he is physically able to imitate it, all he needed was the motivation to do it. 

The motivation came when he asked Alfredo to teach him about operating the projector, and when Alfredo didn't take him seriously, he showed him that he could learn how to do it. 

Alfredo taught him everything he knew about films and how to operate the projector from then onward. 

Alfredo teaching Toto how to operate movie projector.

Nostalgia & Emphaty

As Toto finally returns to Cinema Paradiso, he is now older and more successful than he ever was. It was after the funeral of Alfredo when he went to have a look at the old abandoned movie place before it was demolished. As he ventured through the remains of where everything started, I could sense the feeling of nostalgia, as though it was I who went away for 30 years and came back, where I barely recognize the place where I spent my younger days growing up.

Toto as he walks through the remains of Cinema Paradiso.

The remains of Cinema Paradiso after being abandoned for many years.

After the last tour of the once popular Cinema Paradiso, Toto stood outside with many of the townsfolk as they prepare themselves to see the demolition of the place where many great moments they made together. 

As the explosion goes off, the movie house falls, and the townsfolk could not hold in their emotions. I too felt the emotions of the townsfolk, there was an overwhelming feeling that hit me strongly, it was as though part of me was being demolished along with the my favorite movie house.

Cinema Paradiso when it was still new.

The demolition of Cinema Paradiso.

A wonderfully produced film by an amazing film maker to kick start this blog.

I got a glimpse of how psychology concepts are everywhere, even in films, all I have to do is keep my eyes open.   

References

Alexander, J.M., Johnson, K.E., Leibham, M.E., & Kelley, K. (2008). The development of conceptual interests in young children. Cognitive Development, 23, 324–334. doi:10.1016/j.cogdev.2007.11.004

Bandura A, & Jeffrey R.W. (1973). Role of symbolic coding and rehearsal processes in observational learning. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 26, 122–130. Retrieved from https://www.uky.edu/~eushe2/Bandura/Bandura1973JPSP.pdf

Pougnet, E., Serbin, L.A., Stack, D.M., & Schwartzman, A.E. (2011). Fathers’ influence on children’s cognitive and behavioural functioning: A longitudinal study of Canadian families. Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science. 43(3), 173-182. doi: 10.1037/a0023948