Week 5 - Forget Paris

Forget Paris

Plot 

This film is a story on the love life of Mickey Gordon and Ellen Andrews, narrated by Andy and his other married friends to Liz, Andy's fiancee. The story shows the ups and downs of a relationship, portraying the relationship from the start and till after marriage. 

Triangular Theory of Love 

One of the ways to have a closer look at love would be through the triangular theory of love. This theory is made up of three basic and important components, mixed and matched to illustrate different types of love. 

It's basic components are :

1. Passion - A form of physical arousal that lead to strong emotions or desires.
2. Intimacy - The warm and loving feeling in a relationship.
3. Commitment - The decision to continue loving someone in the long-term.

The Roller Coaster Ride

Mickey was in France as his father wanted to be buried there alongside his platoon, the airport lost his father and after two days of being stranded at the airport, Micky finally meets Ellen. Ellen informs Mickey that they found his father after both of them were both sarcastic with each other in her office.

Mickey coincidentally meets Ellen again at dinner, he was witty and charming, but she had to leave. The next day, she was there with him for the funeral service, just the two of them. On the ride back, Mickey did all he could to charm Ellen in the car, making her laugh the entire ride. 

He postpones his flight, and asked if they could go sight seeing in France. She agrees and they visit all the iconic places together. And at the end of the night, he sang, they danced, they kissed.

Their advancement in France is the perfect story for Romantic Love, which is made out of Passion and Intimacy, where we see Mickey and Ellen being drawn together and attracted to each other physically, and that they have an emotional attachment to each other as well, everything was sunshine and rainbows. 

He flew back to America, but they miss each other, they call, write messages, and he flew to France when he was suspended from work. They had a passionate time together, and after that they were getting to know each other better.

The next day, she reveals that she is married and that she is very confused about the relationship, and now, so is Mickey. He left and went back to work, traveling all over, and one day as he was in a small motel room, Ellen appears!  

Surprise! I'm Married! 

Surprise! x2

Ellen shows up and they were nit picking of each other's small habits and they ignore the bigger chunks of a relationship, values, religion, dreams, lifestyle, and agree to marry each other based on strong passion itself. Their intimacy level is here but they don't fully know the person they're getting together with. 

Here they're entering Fatuous Love, with the components of Passion and Commitment. This means they're committed, but they're not exactly clear on who they're committed to. 

Two months later, the honeymoon is over and the marriage begins. Then Mickey had to be on the road again, and Ellen had to start over in terms of her career, this is when lifestyle comes into the picture. Things didn't go so well, and she wasn't happy with her life, that Mickey had to travel so much as she said "I didn't come all the way from France to be alone". She hated her new job and the apartment as well. Ellen was miserable.

As Ellen got offered a promotion, they compromise, Mickey started to work as a car salesman, they bought a small house and settled in. Ellen was the happiest she had ever been, but now Mickey was miserable. 

Ellen brought her father over, and he keeps mumbling the same phrase over and over "You want it, you got it, Toyota", and it's driving Mickey mad! 

I think that this finally pushed him over the line, and all the accumulated unhappiness led to him to decide to go back to refereeing for the NBA, the job he is passionate about. He informs Ellen, and she is not happy, but he leaves anyway.

Here, they have been operating based on Empty Love, where the passion died out, they're still getting to get to know more about the things that really matter about each other, and there is a lack of intimacy, the warm feeling in a relationship, and all that is left in the relationship is their commitment to each other.

Mickey and Ellen in a Therapy Session

So, as they were still operating with Empty Love, they were both unhappy and decided to see a therapist. They shout, they argue, they changed therapists, but were still unhappy. Mickey mentions that "I wish it could be like that week in Paris" to his friends, and that he misses the time where things were simpler. 

Ellen decided that she wanted to make the relationship work, she moved her father back to where her brothers are, and they decided that they were going to have children. Then the doctor lets them know that she can't have children.

They fail to have children at the end of the day, then Ellen got a job promotion and they have to move again, to Dallas or France. Mickey doesn't want to. 

They started comparing about what they give and get from the relationship, both of them are still unhappy. This time she's leaving and moving back to France.

The relationship hit an all time low, and all three components of love were shaky and dying off, even the commitment to the relationship is fading. This stage is similar to Nonlove, where people become acquaintances and not even friends. She flies back to France, and Mickey continues on with his refereeing. They don't talk anymore and they were just apart from each other. 

But at the end of the day, they remembered how it was like at the beginning of their relationship, and they still have a slight commitment with each other. It seems as if they had Forgotten Paris and why they got together in the first place. They got back with each other and decided to be together again. 

Which leads us to an interesting question:

Does love sustain marriage, or does marriage sustain love? 

Many relationships have the same pattern, where the passion dies out slowly across time, and not long after, the only thing that keeps it going is the commitment. If one doesn't know one's partner well, then one will end up with a roommate where they just sort of live together.

The penultimate relationship would be one of Consummate Love, where all three components are present in the relationship, where couples are Passionate about each other and desire each other physically, they are Intimate and know each other from head to toe, and that they are Committed to each other and also the relationship they have. 

I think that marriage in the form of commitment and intimacy, is one that sustains passion, and passion alone doesn't guarantee commitment or intimacy in the long run.  That's why a relationship to me is equivalent to finding my best friend, the idea of Companionate Love, where Intimacy and Commitment come together and there is closeness and this is really about finding a person I want to spend the rest of my life together with. 

That being said because Passion is a component that still withers as time passes, but I can take steps to ensure that I can still spark the passion in the relationship, I just have to be a little more creative with my best friend.